*Chapter 1*

Waking with a slight headache, Rachel stretched and yawned loudly. It was Saturday. And that meant it was her day off work. She didn't have to rush into the shower, gulp down a boiling mug of coffee or run to the bus stop in order to avoid missing her bus.

Snuggling under her duvet cover, Rachel remembered that she was meeting Rob later and smiled to herself. She and Rob had been going out for three years and were blissfully happy. Tonight was going to be the night that she asked him to move in with her. She had mentioned it briefly two weeks earlier and she was excited by the prospect of living with Rob. She thought back to the day she first brought it up in conversation.

'Rob?' Rachel slid underneath the duvet next to Rob. He was already half asleep but she wanted to talk.

'Hmm...'

'This is nice, isn't it?'

'What?' Rob turned round and looked at Rachel sleeply. His face screwed up in confusion.

'You being here. Wouldn't it be great if you were here all the time?' Rachel gulped. There, she had said it. She waited for his reaction.

'Yeah, great. Fantastic. Great idea. Come here Lovely.' He opened his arms and Rachel snuggled into him. Within minutes he was snoring and Rachel smiled contentedly.

As she pulled back the covers and got out of bed, she looked at herself in the full length mirror by her wardrobe. Her mousy brown shoulder length hair in knots and her face a black mess. It seemed that her mascara had gone on a mission over night to cover her whole face and succeeded while her hair had been having a wild party tying itself in knots, cheering the mascara on.

That’s what I get for going straight to bed without taking my make up off first!

She’d been out in Dundee for a few drinks with her mates the night before and was in no state to do little else than to fall straight into bed when she got back home.

Rachel had had a fantastic time. It was the first night out she'd had in a while and she had been determined to have a good time. However, during the dancing and drinking there had been something niggling away at her. A feeling that she didn’t like and couldn’t shake off. She couldn’t explain it and nor did she take much notice of it but she just knew something wasn’t right. But in the end, she dismissed it as her being paranoid due to the disgusting amounts of alcohol she'd had.

Rachel loved her days off just as much as she loved her job as a waitress in a restaurant just outside the centre of Dundee. It was an old fashioned American restaurant called The Grill. With photographs of old and new celebrities on the walls, there were booths by the window leading to the back where there was more classic seating; tables with read and white checked tablecloths. There was a jukebox sitting in the corner, it didn't work but it added to the atmosphere. The owner and Head Chef, Chris Clarke was always trying to get some big celebrity to come and make an appearance but he never quite managed it and had to put up with a signed photograph instead, which they would send with their deepest apologies and some reason (or more likely, excuse) for not coming. Rachel never expected a big named celeb to come to Dundee; the furthest they went in Scotland was Edinburgh or Glasgow.

The Grill was a large restaurant with the booths and tables split in different sections and the waiters and waitresses were responsible for their own sections. It made for a cosier atmosphere, the kind that Chris had always wanted in his restaurant and Rachel liked the whole idea of having her own section, which was by the windows. She had a few regulars who tipped her well.

Money was an issue for Rachel as she’d just moved into her own flat after moving out of her parents’ home. It was still very new and weird for her but on the whole she was enjoying her independence.

She was no sooner out her bed when her mobile phone began to ring. Grabbing it from her bedside table, Rachel groaned. It was her work, not wanting to answer but knowing she had to.

‘Hello?’ she said sharply. Hoping to sound cheesed off at them ringing her on her day off. She wouldn't have normally minded her work phoning her but today was important to her.

‘Rachel? Rachel McBride?’

‘Yeah?’ Rachel didn’t recognise the voice. It had an English accent. There wasn’t anyone English who worked at the restaurant. She would have thought it was a wrong number if they hadn't known her name.

‘Erm… Hi. I’m Michael, the new Sous Chef at the restaurant. I was told to phone you and ask if you could work tonight. Can you?’

Rachel sighed but felt anger rising from the pit of her stomach, she tried to keep from screaming down the phone. She could hardly believe what she was hearing. If anyone else from the restaurant had phoned she’d have given them an earful but since she didn’t know this ‘Michael‘, she decided she would have to be a bit more polite. Chris probably knew he’d have got an earful from her and had asked the new guy to phone instead. Clever old Chris.

‘I can’t, I have plans and I can’t cancel them.’

‘Are you sure?' Rachel noted that Michael sounded a bit desperate.

'Quite sure.' Rachel said adamantly.

'Oh well, can’t be helped. Thanks anyway!’

As Rachel put the phone down, she couldn’t help but notice that Michael’s voice sounded quite nice. She’d always thought some English accents were sexy. As a Scottish lass, the voices of Jude Law and Orlando Bloom drove her crazy!

I wonder what he’s like… she thought. She didn’t know Chris was thinking of employing new people. Chris was known for being very precious about his kitchen so she was surprised they had hired someone else who may just upset his way of doing things. He already panicked every night when the Morning Chef came in. She wondered what this new guy was like, he seemed friendly enough, well, that’s if the phone call was anything to go by.

After surveying the damage to her face and hair, she grabbed a towel and went to have a shower in the hopes that that would untangle the knots in her hair more successfully than any brushing would. She wanted to look great today. After all today was going to include a moment she never wanted to forget; the moment her relationship with Rob moved onto the next level. This was important for the pair of them. They had been together for nearly three years - he was her first serious boyfriend, everything about him made Rachel feel like the happiest girl on the planet. She could hardly believe that she’d managed to capture the affections of such a gorgeous hunk. He made her feel good about herself and she thought that no one knew her as well as Rob did. Rob often told her how grateful he was that she’d come into his life, she was never quite sure what he meant by that but always took it as a compliment. He would look deeply into her eyes, so much so she would have to look away. With the intensity of the look he gave her and the words he said, she knew he meant it.

She wanted today to be perfect, just as perfect as their relationship.

* * *

Rachel planned on doing some shopping in town before meeting Rob; there was still some stuff she needed for the flat. Her kitchen looked bare and clinical with no personal touches or colour and she was in desperate need for a shower curtain, mopping up after each shower was starting to drive her mad. Walking around the shops, she didn’t see anything that took her fancy. It was very unusual for her as she was forever finding things that she loved and just had to have - be it a rug or a piece of clothing-she’d buy anything. It wasn’t as if she were a shopaholic, she just liked having nice things around her. The shops were fairly busy for a Saturday lunchtime and she was looking forward to going home. The long queues at the checkouts were causing her to get frustrated. Thinking it would calm her down she decided to phone Rob to arrange a time to meet up later that day. Great minds must think alike as she heard her mobile start to ring. She rummaged around her bag until she found it. She pulled out her hairbrush, pushed her purse to one side and found her mobile flashing away at her underneath some old and sticky sweet wrappers.

‘Oh my God, I feel terrible!’ Said the small voice down the phone.

‘Hello Nik! You are your own worse enemy! I feel fine!’

‘Stop bragging! I phoned to ask if you’d figured out what it was that was bugging you last night. You know, the 'thing' that was niggling away at the back of your mind?’

‘Nope. Must have just been the amount of booze I had. Everything is fine.’

‘Cool. Anyway, excited about tonight?’ Nikki asked, still wondering how Rachel could drink so much yet be so cheerful the next day.

‘Yeah… nervous too. Rob’s been a bit funny the last couple of days, I think it’s down to work. You know what it’s like being a courier.’ Rachel sighed under her breath. She felt like she was making excuses for Rob’s behaviour, she didn’t know if Nikki believed her - she barely believed herself.

Rachel and Nikki had been best friends since High School. Sitting beside each other in most subjects, they would chat about boys and whether or not Robbie or Mark was the cutest in Take That. Rachel was often jealous at the attention Nikki got from both the boys and the girls at school but never said anything. Rachel being slightly overweight, wearing awful glasses and having a head full of wiry hair could never compete. Nikki had been the typical gorgeous blonde with a nice figure and perfect hair. Usually these type of girls were know as ‘Blonde Bitches’ or ‘the popular stuck up girls’ but not Nikki; she was the exception to the rule as everyone liked her and she liked them.

Rachel and Nikki chatted for a while, planning a big Halloween party at Rachel’s flat when Rob moved in. Rachel had wanted to have a Halloween party since she was a girl but her parents wouldn't allow it. Now that she had a place of her own she could do as she pleased.

The girls said goodbye and Rachel finally got round to calling Rob. But he wasn’t answering, Rachel found that slightly odd. He wasn’t working and he had told her he would at his flat watching the cartoons. Always the big kid, Rob loved watching children's cartoons. Rachel figured it had something to do with the cheery but busty presenter that did it for him.

She tried Rob again a while later, still no answer. She began to worry. Had Rob been in an accident? Where was he? Was he okay? There wasn’t much she could do. Her breathing quickened and she felt the colour fading from her cheeks. Rob had a habit of disappearing occasionally, part of his job as a courier he would say, but he was always at the end of the phone (with the latest hands free kit).

He’s met someone else.

Where the hell did that come from? Thought Rachel. That’s just something that shouldn’t even cross my mind! Rob loves me; he almost said as much when we talked about moving in together. That’s a sign of commitment. He’s always been really happy and loving towards me. Fair enough it was me who brought up the idea of moving in together one day but he didn't say no.

Rachel put the thought at the back of her mind, although the fact Rob wasn’t answering made her feel nervous, if not a little scared.

Rachel decided to go home; she’d bought a few bits and pieces for her flat and was at the bus stop when she received a text message. It was from Rob. Rachel was so glad to hear from him but as soon as she read the text message, she wished she hadn’t received it at all.

‘Met some1 else last nite. Spent all 2day wit her. I wasn’t sure how 2 tell you b4 now.’

She sat at the bus stop and stared at the screen. He’s dumped me for someone else. How could that be? I mean, he loves me!

She started to text him back, wanting to know how he could meet someone so apparently important so soon. She wasn’t sure what to say, the realisation of what just happened sinking in. She sent a text message asking why? She got no reply. She tried again. Still nothing. Yet again she sent the text. This time, after a short while, she got her reply.

‘Look. Accept it. We’re finished, I’ve met some1 else. Stop bugging me, it’s not fair on her. Ur a great lass, u’ll meet some1 else.’

Her heart breaking; she sat at the bus stop, tears streaming down her face. Even though she hated crying in public, she didn’t care, she’d just lost the man she loved, the one that made her feel so special and loved. Luckily her bus arrived, Rachel would be home soon.

Rachel was relieved to get off the bus. She just wanted to get home and sort out things in her head. She walked up her road, head in a daze. When she got in the door she dumped her bags and went straight to her fridge where she had chillded some bottles of beer. She opened one and gulped it down in a oner, she took another and this time took a huge gulp. Sitting down, she began to think.

Am I not good enough? Did I not make him happy? Did I not satisfy him? She knew deep down she would never get the answers she desperately needed. As she took another gulp of beer, she thought back to the time they first met.

* * *

They had been doing the same Media course at college. As soon as their eyes met, they knew they’d end up together. The chemistry was electric. Rachel had never bonded with someone as quickly as she did with Rob. The amount they had in common was staggering, everything from both meeting Darth Vadar when they were younger to both loving the same type of indie music. They understood and confided in each other and they comforted and supported each other when it was needed. When Rob's parents split up, Rachel was there when Rob needed consoling and when Rachel's grandmother had a stroke, Rob was there to take Rachel to the hospital. The pair was inseparable. Rachel fell in love quickly - he was her first true love - she knew he had had serious girlfriends in the past but she held tight to the saying she’d read in a book once,

"It’s nice to be someone’s first love, but it’s better to be their last."

They may only have been in their early twenties; Rachel being 21 and Rob 23 when they met but Rachel was convinced that she'd found the infamous 'One'. Everything pointed in that direction, the closeness, the affection, the bond they had would make any couple envious, yet throughout their relationship love was something that was shown in abundance but never spoken of. The romantic dinners that Rob had taken Rachel on were memories Rachel would never forget. He would make sure they went to only the best restaurants and would always turn up with a single red rose. Rachel knew it was a cliche but it was a romantic. Many times she’d wanted to say, ‘I love you’ to Rob, but feared he wouldn’t say it back so the three little words never left her lips. One time as they were making love (for according to her, that‘s what they were doing), she thought he’d mumbled the important words so she mumbled them back. All he said was, ‘Eh?’ as if he’d said nothing at all, embarrassed she said she had yawned but she wasn’t sure what had happened. Had he said it or had she imagined it? She would never know. She always liked to think he had but was too embarrassed to say it again.

* * *

Thinking about the past was not helping Rachel, she had to think of the future; a future without Rob. She looked around her flat; there were reminders of him all over the place. His CDs in her CD tower, his fleece hanging up by her coats, his DVDs sitting by the television, the photo of him as best man at his brother’s wedding four months ago. Staring at the photo, looking into his brownish-green eyes, seeing his cheeky grin, seeing the handsome body wearing a well fitted suit, Rachel felt a tear slip down her cheek. It was the only decent photo she had as he hated getting his photo taken, she treasured that photo but now it symbolised something she couldn’t have and that hurt her so much. She decided to do something about it.

Last Christmas she had been given a vanity case by one of her parents' neighbours. She hated the thing and unbelievably brought it with her when she moved into her own flat. It was hideous looking thing with pink flowers around the edge; it looked like something you would give a little girl who wanted to play dressing up. Knowing it had a padlock, she got up and picked up every letter, card, bus & cinema ticket she had kept as a memento; she wanted no memories around her. The last thing to go was the photo, taking one last look at it, she stroked Rob's smiley handsome face. Another tear slipped down her cheek. In it went, she locked the case and put it in the back of her wardrobe where she knew she woud not have to face it again for a while, a long while. Playing with the key for the padlock, she knew she had no intention of wanting to look through that vanity case again any time soon; she went outside and chucked it into the nearest bin so she couldn’t change her mind. She felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders but she wasn't sure why because when she got back up stairs, her tears flowed fast and free.